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What Women Need To Be Seen, Respected And Recognized As Their Authentic Selves

Cellene Hoogenkamp, founder and CEO, KokuaHub Inc. | Bespoke worldwide performance coaching.


Being a woman in a male-dominated world is challenging. Despite significant progress since women gained suffrage, obstacles and challenges remain in the corporate sphere. How can we overcome these barriers and create a better future for female leaders and entrepreneurs? The solution is more accessible than you might think.

Imagine a work environment where coworkers trust and depend on each other, working together toward common goals and bringing out the best in each other. Sounds like an ideal workplace, doesn’t it?


If this vision resonates with you, chances are you may be a woman. Why? Women typically excel in soft skills and are naturally inclined to harmonize the collective. They possess strong social and emotional awareness and are capable of recognizing a wide range of facial expressions—far more than the basic six (joy, sadness, fear, anger, surprise and horror) typically identified by men. While there are always exceptions, this has been a general trend throughout history.


How It All Started

Men and women differ from each other. Our identities are largely determined by our hormones. Traditionally, men were built to hunt animals in the dangerous outside world to bring food back home. Their skills were tailored for that role. Women, on the other hand, did not have to hunt but had an equally important role in survival. Their primary tasks included caring for children, staying alert to signs of danger in the immediate environment and sensing small changes in the behavior and appearance of children and adults. The roles were clear.


Gradually, these role assignments have become blurred. The roles of hunters and caretakers are no longer “gender dependent.” Nevertheless, despite all developments throughout the millennia, we still retain some connection to our distant ancestors, both biologically and mentally. Men and women are still built differently. According to Allan and Barbara Pease, we are all the result of our chemical makeup—it is in our DNA. Men might still struggle to find feta cheese in the fridge, but if you ask them to drive to a city in the north, they will take you there without hesitation. Women, even those at the top, are still inclined to focus on the collective, the atmosphere in the immediate environment and maintaining good interconnections.


No Judgment

Let it be clear: This is not a judgment about being male or female. One isn’t better than the other. It’s not a competition. It is a positive development to have more women in the corporate world. We need more women in the corporate world, but that doesn’t mean we don’t need men. We do! We need men and their masculine energy. The right mix benefits a company as long as we learn to understand and respect each other's differences.


Before we can understand one another, we must understand ourselves better. To know thyself is the beginning of true wisdom. This works both ways: Men need to give more space, and women need to take that space. Women must feel that they have every right to exist in these environments. If they do, they will become more visible. My wise mother used to say, “You need to lie down first before they can walk over you.” So stand up and stay standing!

Women’s Internal Dialogue

What does this look like in real life? Nine out of 10 times when a female trainee or client requests help, there is an underlying part at play: How do I take my place and maintain my individuality (read: femininity)? How do I serve the collective without completely ignoring myself? How do I express my needs and make myself heard? These are enormous challenges for women trying to make themselves understood by male (and female) colleagues.


If you are assertive, you are often seen as a "shrew with a sharp tongue. If you are accommodating, you are a pushover without prevalence. As a female manager, it seems you can never get it right.


You need to speak the right language to be heard and understood. But if you just say the words without feeling them, they are mere shallow words. You can talk the talk, but can you walk the walk, preferably in shoes of your liking? Probably not, yet.


Strengths And Weaknesses

Women have their strengths, just as men do. They have a keen ability to spot weaknesses—a skill that dates to ancient hunter-gatherer times. They can discern if someone is all talk and no action. Lowering your voice pitch to fit in with the guys might seem like a good strategy, but it often backfires, revealing insecurity. You can be assertive, but if you don’t believe in what you're saying, it’s pointless. It might sound right, but it won’t feel right. Right?

To hold your ground in a male-dominated world, it’s beneficial for a woman to adopt certain skills typically associated with men. This doesn’t mean becoming a man. Embrace being a woman, but use male energy to your advantage. Be assertive, set boundaries, be clear about what you want and don’t want and pursue your goals with determination. And most importantly, mean what you say!


You might be thinking: Doesn’t the world need more feminine energy? Absolutely! But as mentioned earlier, it’s not a competition. We need to create a balance. Men could benefit from being more tolerant and empathetic toward women at work, listening more to their insights and recognizing them as valuable assets.


However, this cannot be achieved alone. Women need to believe in their right to exist and thrive. Adopting some male qualities and embracing this energy within is key to unleashing their highest feminine potential at work.


The best way to be seen, respected and recognized is to be authentically you. Did you know that despite our DNA differences, we are born assertive? We had to be assertive to ensure our survival as infants, crying to signal our needs. Somehow, along the way, women learned to prioritize the collective over themselves.


This article was originally posted in Forbes Coaches Council. (LINK)

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